By Kristin Dudley

I’m not a Grinch. OK. Sometimes. Those cozy Hallmark movies turn into a mound of dirt when it comes to actually feeling the bliss. They make me tired and I’m not ever the one even hosting or stressing. I refuse to stress about it.

Ah, the holidays. That magical season where joy is mandatory, chaos is inevitable, and you’re somehow expected to love every second of it. Let’s talk about the real holiday experience, shall we? Because if you’re anything like me, you’re already prepping for the annual ‘fun’ of spending time with your family—those lovable, stress-inducing humans you can’t live without… or maybe just barely tolerate for a few hours at a time.

Deck the Halls… with Drama?

It starts with the decorations. You bring out the same dusty bins you’ve sworn for years to reorganize, only to find that last year’s string of lights is now a tangled bird’s nest of regret. You ask for help, but everyone suddenly has ‘very important’ things to do, like checking their phone or hiding in the bathroom. And by the time the tree is up, it looks like Pinterest on one side and a crime scene on the other. Classic. Depends on which side is supposed to be the good side… Facing the inside so we can see it while sitting peacefully on the recliner? Or the side that the neighbors can see all its glory out the front window?

The Gift-Giving Olympics

Next, let’s discuss gifts. Remember last year when you thought Aunt Karen would love that artisanal candle? Well, she didn’t. This year, she’s dropping passive-aggressive hints about how much she adores cashmere. Cashmere! With this economy? Jokes. Shush. And cousin Chad shows up with a gift card he picked up at the gas station on the way to the family gathering. Enjoy your gift card, Auntie. Thoughtful. But sure, let’s all pretend the giving spirit is alive and well.

And don’t even get me started on the kids. They’re not writing letters to Santa anymore—they’re sending PowerPoint presentations with hyperlinks to the exact toy or gadget they want. Trust me. I saw them with my own eyes. Gone are the days of simple requests for bikes and dolls. No, now it’s all about electronics with price tags that make your soul weep. I can’t afford the new iPhone. How can parents do it along with a new Nintendo Switch and an Apple Pencil and a new Chromebook and new Airpods? Gheesh. That’s like six holidays worth of gifts right there.

Feast or Famine…

Don’t forget…there’s the big family dinner. Ah yes, nothing says holiday cheer like cramming 12 people into a dining room designed for six. Uncle Bob will joke about politics because we’re all over them, Grandma will remind you you’re not getting any younger, and someone will inevitably ask if you’ve put on a little weight. Nothing ruins an appetite quite like thinly veiled criticism served with a side of mashed potatoes. That helping of deliciousness just got smaller. And now there won’t be a second one…

And don’t forget the food. There’s always ‘that’ dish…the one nobody touches but everyone’s too polite to mention. Who made it? We’ll never know. It’s as much a mystery as why we keep doing this every year. It probably has pistachios and marshmallows or cranberries. We’re Missourians. Anything with whip topping is a ‘salad’ for the holidays.

Family Fun or Survival Mode?

That’s all part of the charm? We endure the forced cheer, the endless lines at the store, and the annual family feud over who gets to control the TV because deep down, we love these people. Or at least we’re contractually or biologically obligated to. Either way, it’s a season of love, laughter, and lightly resenting your relatives.

So, pour another glass of eggnog (or straight vodka… no judgment), lean into the chaos, and remember– in just a few short weeks, you’ll be back to ignoring your family’s group text until next year.

Cheers to surviving another holiday season! You’ve earned it. Just a few more weeks.

But for real… Wasn’t it JUST Halloween?

But also… don’t forget the reason for the season. It wasn’t supposed to be a dumpster fire.